You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Of course I have a pirate flag
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
