operation harelip BJ is a go
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize