I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
