Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
