My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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