Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
