dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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