Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
