remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
FUCK WHALES
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
