you would pick up someone in the library
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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