Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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