I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
