R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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