i just sent this text using only my big toe
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
