I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
