Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
