New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize