Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
