No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize