first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
