Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
