He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
