she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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