there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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