honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
