Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
