he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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