genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
