Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
