google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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