i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
