I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
