I just cut my nipple shaving
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am naked and annoyed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
