none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
