mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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