Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
