Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel great
I just peed on a car
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
