I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
