I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
