There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
