you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
