You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
