My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
