You're so nebulous sometimes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
