Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm always down for nudity.
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