I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
