i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
