At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize