why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
