living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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