You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm having to shit out rocks
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