i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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