So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
