what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
