She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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