So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
