We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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