I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
