So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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