I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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