You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
we should paint friendship bongs
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