we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
