who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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