if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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