i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
