Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
