kristin has been a bad kristin
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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