omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize