Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
