i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
