hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
