I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
