Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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