i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
