I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
