I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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