and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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