so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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