i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
