My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
