Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
