I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
These tits shall not be calmed
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
