He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
is wine microwaveable?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
