my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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