I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize