Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
