I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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