you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
