Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
