What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
