i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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