The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
