if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
