Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Houston, we have a squirter
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
