I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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