Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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