Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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