Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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