You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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