Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
