I think I am morally bankrupt
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
