How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
