dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
