I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
